The date's technically wrong again because it's 1am and I'm in bed. Fun fact: I sleep naked because I like the texture of my blankets more than that of any pajamas - if I'm cold I'll just get a 3rd blanket (I use a soft thin one and a weighted one). More people should do this, I think.
What I'm also thinking right now is that I'm getting tired of Tumblr and wanna use it less. I don't think it's improving my recent bad mood in the slightest, especially since I'm an sjw blue hair libtard and I've curated my homepage to be so centred around politics. It's just been getting so tiring. The people on there can be so condescending and obnoxious even if they're usually making good points, seeing terfs everywhere bums me the fuck out no matter how epicly whatever reply powns them, and my cycle of reblogging that kind of stuff inbetween the stuff actually bringing me joy (mainly shitposts and nice art) just exascerbates how useless I actually am in creating meaningful change. My posting means nothing and I mean nothing in the face of all the world's horrors. I think the only accounts I actually like right now are some of my mutuals, Patricia Taxxon (even tho I can't follow her I read her posts like the newspaper), the cool deer collection guy, and like, maybe the Jekyll and Hyde guy. Everything else sucks shit I hate the internet!!!! I hate it!!!!!!!!! Why do I even try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sketchers is also boring, Youtube is sloppy boring, Discord is boring the internet is fucking boringgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg but I have nothing else to do.
It's funny because yesterday I wrote on here about how things are going great and stuff but then I felt kinda horrible for the whoole rest of the day after that. Until I saw my dad and we talked and watched Smiling Friends But then I felt similar today too. Recently it's felt like even though everything is lining up for me to be happy I just have this raincloud over my head. I completely lack motivation to draw, to go out much, to talk to people (especially my family), to make myself food, just to do anything besides watch videos on my bed and maybe tidy, organise random shit. I can still do these things, I just have to Make myself it's not coming so naturally right now. I made myself go out somewhere nice today (a creek nearby) which was sort of peaceful and fun to explore but I found nothing worth keeping there (just a lot of Actual garbage). I'll probably feel better if I shower but it's harder to make myself do that.
I don't really know what I want. I wanna get out of this house. I wanna stay in my room all day. I wanna hug my family. I don't wanna talk to them or do anything with them. I wanna do something new. I wanna do the same routine as always. I want more than one actual close friend. I want everyone but Ozzy to go away forever. I want the PA group back I want things to go back to normal with them. I wanna bite them and stamp on their faces and scream at them. I wanna eat loads of treats and get fat and smack my head against the wall and fight someone and tear things apart with my teeth and hit stuff with a hammer and fall asleep and dream forever and not have to wake up. Not in a dying way but in a take a long break from life way.