1/8/24 (I never finished entry 12)

Pinch, punch, first of the month. I'm overstimulted again. Some cunts in my neighbourhood appear to have obtained motorbikes and they drive past our house all the time. Inescapable noise. Many things that trigger my sensory problems are largely unavoidable. Cars, the sun, my brother, wearing clothes, such is life. Well, today I saw a motorbike guy get into a fight on my street, so that's cool.

I never mentioned it but I'm out of college and on summer break. Yay!! That's largely why I haven't been writing; I have no need to write when I'm having unrestrained summer fun. Mostly, unrestrained summer fun involves me reading a lot. I've been reading a lot of classics. Farenheit 451, Slaughterhouse 5, Resturant at the End of the Universe (I think that's considered a classic), The Lottery, etc. I kinda had the epiphany that I can just read a bunch of books at once, and when I get bored of one I can switch to another until I wanna read the first one again. It's so god damn efficient. I started recording every book I finish so at the end of the year I can do something or other with that information. Review them all maybe? Draw something for them? Whatever. I've been neglecting my art in favour of reading and being outside. The last book I finished was Walking on Glass by Iain Banks, and it was the worst book I've ever read (genuinely). It was boring but kept roping me along with the compelling characters and what would happen to them by the end (it's supposed to be three stories that interconnect by the end). But not only did they not connect in any meaningful way at all, but the endings were so stupid and annoying that it ruined the entire book for me. The only two characters I really liked got character assassinated and anticlimactically discarded respectively, and it answered all the questions I did not have while ignoring all the ones I did. The blurb made it sound infinitely more interesting than it really was, so I should've just imagined my own story based on that.

Usually when I'm overstimulated I go to this place nearby on my bike and read there. It's this sort of teeny weeny creek hidden inside a rich people suburb and it's the only place I know in town where there's very few people, no sounds of cars, shade and nature noises. There's a lot of trash but I don't really mind. I go there often because I often need to. Recently I even found a discarded book tossed at the end of the water trail. It was Touching the Void by Joe Simpson. Obviously I took it home and obviously it was drenched but I fixed it up nicely, though I've yet to read it. Too many other things to get thru first.

Oh yeah. The other thing summer break means is that my old friends have left and I never have to see them again. Hell yeah. It's nice to know, but I don't care so much anymore. I've been caring less about a lot of stuff in general though. Normally I'm a pretty emotional person but right now I'm like. who cares? who cares? who cares? who cares? It's both freeing and mildly annoying, because caring is a good thing and I think I should be doing it. But on the other hand, why should I care? Only like 20 things are cool and the rest is a waste of time.

In other news, I've recently recieved blessings. About a week ago my aunt came over and my mum told her about the photography I've been doing at college (it's very fun), and so she said I could have an old camera she had spare. It's a pretty basic dslr one but it's pretty great. Photography is one of 20 things. I'm gonna try my best with it, even if in my town there isn't much worth taking pictures of at all. Then today, in exchange for babysitting my little brother, my dad gave me a box of some tools for my various activities. He's a handyman so he has a lot of tools. I don't know when I'll use many of them but it's very useful to have and I'm sure I'll be ever grateful when the situation Does arise. I'm grateful for all my stuff. It's nice to have things.

And then finally Ozzy mailed be a bunch of drawings and a thing he made for me :)))))))))))))). Because yesterday marked 3 years of us being friends. Yayayayayayay. I love him. I wish it was cool and normal to kiss your best friend because I totally would. He's so much to me. I need to send him some stuff back, but like I said I've not been drawing much of anything. I put pencil on paper, then I'm like, "who cares?". What I mean to say is that I have no good ideas. They'll come but I wish they came sooner rather than later for Ozzy :(. I do intend to send him this sick pulltab chain I made. It's pretty long and I put bigger ones on it hanging down so he can put it on his bad or trousers and put keyrings on it. We always send each other drawings though. It's my only good skill and his second most good skill. I'll figure something out.